Monday, December 30, 2013

Patient's Remorse

I'm having patient's remorse for bunch of reasons.  *Sigh*

Aside for some goofy things I did ..also about somethings else.

Urodoc is so good to me ...  just saying.  :)

And now dinner almost done  - hamburgers and fries and a veg.  All 3 are staying over tonight and we are watching March of the Wooden Soldiers.  I am excited to watch that with the little ones because they haven't seen it.  Have something fun planned for tomorrow too.

I very much want to write in here.  I miss blogging and hope to get back into it soon.  I haven't lost my writing mojo ..just the time factor ...allll month.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Just Go SeaSpray ...GO to the MALL ...Now!

I can't believe I am having to go to the MALL ..NOW ..on Christmas eve and then to Costco ...on Christmas eve.  I don't mind local shopping - that's even fun ...feeling the hustle and bustle with last minute preparations ...but it's home territory.  This Christmas season has not been a Hallmark one ..yet.  I can't believe I am here writing this when I have to go.  I am already praying for a good parking spot.  On the up side ...I just heard on the radio that stores are already putting their day after Christmas prices up ..which causes me to think I really should shop and get the best bargain.  The problem has been knee pain (fortunately I get orthovisk injections Thursday - YAY!)..or I would've done this last week and why I decided I will just do gift certificates - get in and get out.  They all will still have something else to open - small ..but something to open.  I love opening presents and feel that while practical cards aren't as fun if they are the only gift.  On the other hand - people can then buy whatever they want.  I don't think I've shopped at the mall on Christmas eve since my twenties.  Well car warmed up - time to go.  Well the Carol of the Bells music now in my head should keep me going at a good pace.   :)

Update:  I just breezed all the way to the mall while traffic was all backed up coming back this way.  I felt a bit more Christmassy when I saw little snowflakes ..hoping for snowy for Christmas and listening to the festive holiday music.  I prayed just before pulling in to Penney's parking lot asking for a little Christmas miracle to please park close. I was the 4th car away from the building and bear the bathrooms - which I like.  Except I was withholding fluids and food since just so I wouldn't have to tinkle and also be sure the stomach bug I had yesterday/last night stayed away.  Thankfully that passed!  I also prayed for minimal lines and I just breezed through.  I was only able to shop for one gift and then I did have to go to certificates.  I was only buying 3, but if I bought 4 I got an additional 25.00 off until Feb.  And of course got an extra 20% off the purchases.  I also got myself a couple of things in the same dept.  Robe and slippers for when I have knee surgery in Feb.  Then I breezed through Costco and was thrilled to see it snowing when I was on my way home.  But then I ended up white knuckling the steering wheel because it was coming down so hard I could hardly see and the roads were covered and it was hard to know if I was in my lane.  I kept hitting that noisy side of road part.  Good thing though because other cars passing me were very close to my side.  After I slid ...I put my flashers on to keep people away from me and maybe alert them to slow down.  I even shifted to lower gears.  And I prayed.  There was an accident involving several cars in one of the local towns.  Then when I hit the 2nd major hwy - that was water.  Obviously they had salted on that.  I thought about calling J to say I was alright, but I had to stop at a neighbors to pick up part of a present.  When I walked in and told him how stressful it was driving home - he was surprised because he didn't even know it was snowing.  ha ha ...and I thought he'd be worried.  OH ...and I had to drive in the dark with my SUNGLASSES on because my regular glasses were MIA.  Turns out Myles took them last night and Mr SeaSpray found them on the floor when I was gone.  Anyway ...all nestled in ...comfy and cozy but still have to decorate the tree, wrap and prepare for company tomorrow.  I am so glad there is a bit of snow on the ground.  Falalalalala!  I realize ...I didn't even get to do a Christmas post yet.  This year would've been titled, "Saga of the Christmas Lights."

**And I'm not beating myself up anymore (previous post), but I still can't wait to apologize.

I hope everyone has a wonderfully Merry Christmas!!  And if you do have to work ...I hope your time working goes the way you like it to and you still enjoy yourself and experience Christmas blessings.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Beating Myself Up!

I was a HALF hr late for my uro appt and couldn't be seen tonight (which I certainly understand) and I feel awful!  The worst part is I hope this doctor that I respect so much ...doesn't think I don't value his time and respect him and that he knows something must've been going on and to say it was a challenging day would be an understatement.  I should have  CANCELLED!  Still beating myself up and it's been 3 hours now.  This will bother me all Christmas week until I see him next Monday to apologize face to face.  And while I've made some goodies for the Christmas basket - began Saturday - I couldn't get that done either and so trying to decide if should leave tomorrow or bring in next week.  I could just use what I have and bake again on Sunday and won't be all this rushing around.  They won't even be there all day tomorrow or on Christmas and so it will sit.  I'll figure it out.

I did leave this awesome (was a lot of work) holiday spice bread for them ...but I am sure he would've preferred a punctual patient.  *SIGH* 

I feel like walking shame ..because this is the doc that has done so much for me ...gone the extra mile so many times ..through thick and thin.  I feel so terrible. :(

The receptionist was sweet and told me some other patients were having a hard time with appts too.  I wonder if that's true.  2 wrongs don't make a right tho.

Sunday, December 22, 2013


So ... we got a call from Costco last night, informing us that the cookies we purchased (and ate), recently ...contained moths ...or moth parts ...but that eating them wouldn't hurt humans.

Protein anyone?  :)

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Another Loss This Past Friday - Connection? :(

Picture of the Snow Reflecting the Blue Sky
Photo Credit

Last Friday ...I had an enjoyable visit with my friend in her store, as I purchased some more Christmas items.  (One of which I am giving in my uro office Christmas basket.:)  Then on the ride home ...I got all sentimental as I was nearing the lake I lived in with my aunt and uncle in my teenage years, until I got married at 20.  I decided that I would drive in and drive past the house we lived in and some other places in the lake.  I was all sentimental with a capital "S", missing them and the rest of my relatives on my maternal side.  Especially Mom too.  I also remembered school days, beach days, and how beautiful and picturesque that lake is in the snow ...even though it was dark then.  It was sad to see the people that live there now don't keep the house as nice as my uncle did.

I've always felt this profound sense that if only I could lift some time dimensional veil ...I could see it all again right back there in time experiencing life in my past again.  It feels so close ...and yet ...of course I can't go back in time.

And I don't want to live in the past.  I want to be in my present enjoying the dear family and friends in my life now ...but it would be nice to visit back there once in awhile.  It would be nice to be able to show the people that moved on ...just how much you loved them.  But I guess they knew and know that.  And oh how I'd love to be able to talk to my Scottish grandparents as an adult hear their stories about coming to this country.  But God in his infinite wisdom didn't allow for that. And I guess if we could do that then we'd alter our future and I guess we wouldn't want to risk ruining that either.

Interestingly must exist tho ...because God can see the past, present and future simultaneously.  But ...I digress.  This post isn't about time travel.

So ...when I pulled into my driveway ...I decided to continue on to the houses in the back.  It has been bothering me that my friend Marian's house (she died in the spring - unexpectedly!), is dark and unlived in ever since her husband abandoned the house.  :(  It is the first year that there are no festive Christmas lights on it 20 years.  One year her first husband even had merry Christmas in lights on their roof!  I miss her fence and windows being all lit up.  I know how she loved getting a tall Christmas tree just like I do.  I miss seeing her little green car driving past our house.  Mostly ...I miss her hearty laughter.  Since last spring, it has been bothering me every time I look back at her house and see how dark it is at night ...but especially now that it's Christmas.  It is surreal to me.  Her death was so unexpected.

Then when I came in the house ...I found out that my childhood friend's ex husband died that morning.  They think he passed peacefully while watching TV.  I was shocked!  And immediately upset.  Even though ...I rarely saw him after their divorce.  I remembered how I first met him in the summer of 69.  He was I's new boyfriend.  We spent the day at the beach that day ...all of us frolicking in the waves.  Some years later ...I was their maid of honor in their wedding and the next year she was my matron of honor and he was an usher in our wedding.  Social dates, babies and raising children - we shared it all until they got divorced.  then ..I guess you end up going with the one you were friends with and don't see the other spouse much.  That is what happened with us, anyway.

He was a good, kind and sweet man who loved his family dearly. And he was quite creative too.  Wood carving ...even made a huge carved wooden sign for a local establishment years ago.  He did some writing and created his own cartoon characters that he had copyrighted, although never sold.  I wonder what would've happened today if he self published?

Even though we lost touch and I only saw him at their children's weddings ...I cried as soon as I got the news.  Not only did I cry for him ...but it catapulted me right back to missing Iris.  She's been dead two years now.  Hard to believe.  I rarely cry now ...but I remember her almost every day.  I know he never stopped loving her.  I imagine the two of them are up there in heaven talking away - and now ...they'll be watching their growing family from above.  Their daughter will be having her second baby in May.  Sadly ...Iris never got to see her granddaughter or 2nd grandson.  At least ...not while down here.

I wish Iris and I could be sharing the joy of our growing families, but it wasn't meant to be , I guess.

Anyway ...I think it is so weird out of the blue ...while driving home ...I got all wistful and sentimental and felt drawn to go past my family home and then my neighbor's ...knowing they were all in heaven now.  It's not something I would typically do during Christmas because I am all excited about the holidays.  And yes ...I know we miss loved ones during the holidays ...but this was different.  I was feeling something in the cosmic sense.  Or I think I was.  I wonder if something in me ...somehow knew that someone else had died?  Maybe I'm being silly.  But I can't help but wonder if I was sensing something on another level?

P.S.  After writing this post, I heard a news report that said there were 63 car accidents in NJ yesterday because of black ice.  So I made the right call in not going ...but I sure do wish I could have.

I don't even know why I'm writing this.  I guess because ..well for one thing ...I wish I could've gone to the memorial.  But with all this snow and freezing temperatures, I was not at all comfortable driving down to the funeral home alone tonight.  If it was up here ...I would've gone in a heartbeat.  I know I would've been the only person from their Mom's side to go.  And I wanted to pay my respects to their Dad and be a support for them.  I wrestled all day with it, but when I heard an afternoon weather/travel report, I decided it wouldn't be a good idea.

I'll find another way to show my support.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Steamy, Frustrated and Obsessing ...With a Bit of Mojo Mixed in :)

Good morning all!

It is frigid outside and I am just so HOT! I was so cold when I went to bed that I put two quilts on the bed. (Mr SeaSpray can sleep through anything.) Then around 06:30, I got so HOT ..I kicked everything off and have been ridiculously hot ever since. I swear steam was coming off my body when I let the dog out. It just won't stop. And now I'm about to make the kids some eggs and toast. The up side of this is that I can save energy by leaving the stove off and just hold my head over the pan and cook the eggs from above. Just saying.

Anyway ...have a blessed day! 

Oh ...and I obsessed with a capital "O" in the wee hours of the morning over something ...obsessed with a capital "O" like never before ...and  I still am!  Oh ...and I'm FRUSTRATED ...okay FRUSTRATED and ...OBSESSING with all caps ... and have been since late Monday night ...although it went to a whole new level in the wee hours of the morning today.  Have you ever wanted something to just be a certain way and so you keep staring at it as if  STARING could magically transform something into your ideal?  Well's not working.  Post to follow. 

 I keep writing little posts and am in such a mood to write.  I hope I'm not putting too many up in a short span of time.  But it does feel good to have my writing mojo back.  :)

Tuesday, December 10, 2013


They say things come in threes and so here is my 3rd mini post. (I'm on a blogging roll and so if interested ...scroll down to follow:) I hate to be so negative after posting two lighthearted posts but I just have to ask case someone feels inclined to answer.

How is it possible ...that a man can murder his wife ...shooting her in the temple at 7:30 in the morning ...while she is sleeping ...and then be allowed to live in his house ...and then within that first year ...have his tracking device removed and be allowed to go where he wants he can still work?  A-N-D ...remain a free man for 5 1/2 years at which point he finally has his trial ...but then after confessing to murdering his wife (in a plea bargain), will only have to serve NINE years in jail?

He killed her in cold blood.

Nine years in jail.

That's it.

How is JUSTICE served in that decision?

And is he a risk to others after he gets out?


Brain Freeze (Revised)

Now I know the definition of a real brain freeze.  That is when you are outside in FRIGID weather without a hat from 11pm until 2 am, last night.  I was out there so long that I was getting  GOT a headache.  Of course it also could've been from the uncooperative Christmas lites I was stringing in the freezing cold of night while the rest of my family was nestled toastily (I know it's not a word ...but I like it), in their beds.  I did go inside briefly - intermittently get more lights and drink a cup of tea and to tinkle  Oh and did this SeaSpray mentioned that she tinkled ICE CUBES?  Just saying was freezing out and so was I.  And I'm pretty sure the tea turned to ice tea on it's way down.  Anyway ...when I finally finished I was walking in the house ..I was wondering if my brain really was getting cold ...being that my head is an extremity too.  I mean it seems to me that the skull could get cold and then what?  I mean if it's really really cold ...for a long time. Heck could've flash frozen FOOD on my THIGHS when I got back inside for the night!  They were soooo ice cold when I undressed were my cheeks and nose.  Brrr ...this kind of weather causes a SeaSpray to be so very THANKFUL for HEAT!

Monday, December 9, 2013

Just Call me Trigger

Eh ...I thought a picture of Trigger was better than a middle finger.  :) It's now resolved ...thanks to a cortisone injection in my hand.  Of all fingers tho was my MIDDLE finger.  Somehow just seemed obscene every time my MIDDLE finger popped out.  I guess it could be a good excuse if I did want to do that to someone.  OOPS!  That darned trigger finger of mine!  :)  But the truth is I only gave the finger once in my entire life.  Suffice it to know that I was p-r-e-t-t-y mad - obviously ...if I felt driven to that.  It was a cloudy Friday morning in September, 1993.  The person known to use that gesture was taken aback.  In retrospect ...I don't know if it was funny or scary that I did that.  But sure did make a statement.  :)  Actually doing that would be akin to Mary Tyler Moore doing it I suppose laughable ..or scary.  :)

But back to this trigger of mine.  It began this past July.  I just woke up one morning and my middle finger just popped open from the closed position.  It didn't hurt, but was an annoying feeling you know you'd rather not have.  I mean it is so much nicer when all your body parts don't call attention to themselves ..right?  then you know they're working because they go under the radar.  When something is wrong ...they get your attention.  Well ...unless you are thinking about said body parts ...but then that is a different kind of attention.  But that's normal.

A-n-y-w-a-y ...I thought it was just some kind of arthritis.  But I don't have it anywhere in my body except in my knees.  I never thought to tell the orthopaedic doctor when I was there.  But then when I went in for the shoulder issue - now 100% resolved - I mentioned the finger.  he said I should've mentioned it sooner because the shots aren't as effective if patients wait.  Fortunately for me worked and it didn't even hurt that much.

Oh and my supportive friends?  They laughed.  Ha ha!. :)

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Almost and Fa la la la la la la la ...

Oh ...and regarding the Jerk face comment below - I am cooling down.  As soon as I can respond without any anger - I will be getting back to Jerk Face.  Ooops!  Not quite yet ...but soon.  I only used one Jerk Face ..oops!  Make that two.

On a more positive note - We just got a beautiful ...tall ...very tall Frazier Christmas tree.  I'll come back about that.  I've always got a Christmas post.  What I don't have is much time theses days and when I do sometimes I let something else steal it vs blogging.

And now ... I HAVE to go to Costco.  It is just ridiculous that I haven't been there since October.  For one thing I like to add the chocolate liqueurs to the basket I make up for the uro office and now I hope they still have them.  But we need everything.  Imagine going to the store and you have to buy everything.  There isn't a cart large enough - not even those big orange flat carts they have.  Neither is my bank account.  On the upside one way they close at 6:30 ...and so I can't spend as much.  that being said ...I am so honed in on my usual stuff that I can get a lot anyway.  I just can't peruse the aisles for other things.  Although ...I'm hoping there is a neat, quality truck for Myles.  he LOVES trucks.  :)  Plus ...I know they shut the doors at 6:30, but they don't shew the people out until a bit later and on top of that's Christmas time ...which means they will be backed up anyway.  And they are more lenient.  I know how to work the Costco system.  :)  Still ...I will definitely have to reign myself in when down there.  I do so love that store!  :)

Anyway ...I'm also thinking that since it is frigid outside ...I can maybe head over to the Christmas tree shop because the food will stay cold in the trunk.  Depends though because I did a lot of standing while watching the trees being danced around.

I may hate myself later for finishing this hot cup of Hazelnut coffee and now heading out.  Oh well.

Gosh ...I just LOVE Christmas season!!!

Ha ha - I'm still brushing pine needles off of me ...and I wreak of pine.

'Tis the season ...

Fa la la la la la  la  la ...

God Frbid! (Nurse's 12 Days of Christmas:)

Photo: A nurse's version of the original song!! ;)

Clever!  This is actually fun to sing - but since I do believe there is power in our words - I would steer clear of singing it while at work.  Just saying.  :)

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Jerk Face!

What a JERK FACE..JERK MOUTH ..JERKIEST JERKY JERK ..JERK FACE neighbor!  I'm still so MAD at him I could spit nails at him!  He's an IDIOT too!  Just saying.  JERK!  JERK FACE!

Sorry about being so negative.  I don't like feeling this way.  I don't like calling people names but I admit I am venting and it feels good in the moment.

No doubt I'll get blogger's remorse when I'm in bed but I don't care.  I'm venting and it stays.

Besides ...he's a JERK FACE!